Truly a Left Wing Conspiracy

I just read a posting by my friend Eric, describing what he called a left wing conspiracy in the Grocery Store. I too have been a victim of this vicious trend. Things that my wife and I like just seem to disappear from the shelves.

Here are just a few; corn bread crusted catfish fillets, fat free rice and tapioca puddings, Lavoris mouth wash, caramel corn with peanuts, and caramel corn itself. Cedar Crest Ice cream, red pistachios, and one of my personal favorite’s Peanut butter with real Bacon Bits mixed in (damn, that was fabulous!). the worst thing that has happened is the Pic-n-Save that I have been going to for 27 years is now completely closed for remodeling and I have to use a different on. Granted it is a bit closer, but they not call it a “Metro Mart”. The store is literally twice as big as the other one was, but offers less of a selection of goods. In addition, the layout is completely different. Now, I know what you’re thinkin’, “did I fire 5 shots or 6…” not a big deal you think? Well, after the literally thousands of times I went to the store, I could go up and down the aisles blindfolded and get what I need (except for the corn bread crusted catfish fillets, fat free rice and tapioca puddings, Lavoris mouth wash, caramel corn with peanuts, and caramel corn itself. Cedar Crest Ice cream, red pistachios, and one of my personal favorites Peanut butter with real Bacon Bits mixed in) that the left wing commie liberals have taken away from me supposedly for my own good. I ax you, would this be happening if Ronald Reagan were still president? I don’t think so.

By the way, I think I’m turning Japanese…I really think so. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it, and remember…”today was a day like any other day, except you were there.”

TCM's 31 Days of Oscar Moodboard

..just a thought

Note to self:

Soemtimes I just dont know.

Well, it wold seem I have offended my sister and she isn't  following my blog anymore.  There dosen't seem to be anything I can do about it, so I'll just move on with other thngs.

When did everything become so epensive?  this weekend could have cost me my first born (if I hadn't already given her away). 

I go to the store (Fresh Market) Saturday night to get a couple pieces of fruit, walked out spending almost $75 bucks.  Granted, it was after Kim and I were at the local Comedy Club and were just a little tippsy.

Got a bill in the mail from my Dentist for over $400 bucks for the beginning of a root canal.  It's a hellava thing to have to pay for pain, I thought that was over when I quit the S&M scene...LOL

Sunday Kim and I went to the eye glass place to get me new glasses. WOW, after insurance which was better than store special 2 for $149, it still cost me $500 bucks for two pair of glasses.  Since I am now semi-retired, it would have been cheaper to just poke out my eyes.  I'ts a hellava thing to have to pay to see.  I had to pray for Monday to come so I could turn off the spigot on my wallet.

So here it is Monday morning and we missed another "snow bullet"  we were supposed to get 6 to 10 inches of snow, we got 2 inches (much to my wife's delight).  How do these weather forcasters keep their jobs"  they're seldom right in their predictions except for the exact time of sunrise and sunset.

I''m having a pity party here, no one is reading this, no one is commenting on this, so I am wondering what the hell I am doing this for...you tell me.

...and remember, "Today is/was a day like anyother day, only you were there,"

Wa Da Ph..?

Well, I woke up this morning and you were on my mind, good line for a song. Well I was sitting at my desk actually working (I know, go figure) and listening to my favorite right wing radio talk host Jay Weber on WISN. Just as he was going to segway into my other right wing radio talk show host broadcast from The Peoples Republic of Madison, my ears were assaulted by the voice of Tiger Woods sounding all sorrowful and whiny

What is it about athletes that they don't think they have to play by the same rules we do? I heard him whining about the Press should leave my wife and my children alone. No don't get me wrong, I have no use for the left wing liberal wing nuts that are the 4th estate (did you like that one?), but geez Tiger what the hell did you think they were going to do but savage your family, and after all you are the one who put them in harms way, so ma up dude and deal with it. next time keep your putter in your bag. Oh and by the way, i noticed a complete lack of women of colour in your Harem, are you a bigot? I’m just sayin’. My step father (just a little to the right of Attila The Hun) is probably rolling around in his casket laughing his boney ass off at this.

Speaking of him (not Him) I wrote in a previous rant that I could not remember on happy time after his (not His) funeral. I was wrong. I am reminded of a time in 1978 when Jerry paid all of his children's and step-children's (me) plane fares and flew us all to Boston for his and my mothers 25th anniversary. What a hoot, my sister and her boyfriend (don't want to mention any names but his initials are Carl) came in from California and my brother whom they moved away from and left no forwarding address the day after his graduation from high school and yours truly from Milwaukee. Well, we all had a great time. Carl brought in some recreational party goods for us to partake and partake we did. We went to see “Close Encounters “ and toked up on the way to the show. My youngest sister was only 13 at the time and was in a full body cast, but was with us and we all had a gas. The next morning Jerry was complaining about a certain smell he couldn't figure out in his car… we all had a good laugh over that. oh well, the fun was short lived, Jerry got prissy with my brother and he flew home early. anyway,I almost forgot the best part. My brother and I went for a walk after a fine dinner in a local supper club and a few drinks. As we were want to do, we smoked a “J” and got really high and couldn't walk anymore so we came back to the house and sat on the porch talking for awhile. Our Mom (god rest her soul) came out on the front porch and said “well, what a sight, my two boys sitting on my porch all loaded.” Boy if she only knew. Well I guess you had to be there.

anyway, I guess I’ve babbled enough have a good weekend end and remember, “Today was a day like any other, but you were there”

Ack, bad week

So, here I am sitting beside myself wondering what happened to my week.  I went to the doctor Monday and came home with Bronchitis, geeez, I hate it when that happens.  Anywaythe combination of Mucinex DM and DayQuil is a potent mixture, makes your eyes go haywire .

I got to sit home and relax until Thursday at which time I had to return to the salt mines.  Today however, I had to visit the Opthamologist for my yearly exam (only two years since the last, but that's close to a yearly).  Dilate the eyes, much better than recreational party goods (but dosent last as long).  Then it was off to my new Dentist for my most favorite thing in the whole wide world....a root canal.  The only thing that makes that platable is the Novocaine and the gas.  Needless to say this was quite a day.  The dentist actually asked me if I wanted the Novocaine.   My reply to this foolish question was Duh..... Y'think?!  This reminds me of another story from way back, and guesss what?  Time for another paragraph.

My Step father once called me a sissy for going to the dentist and having Novocain for having a tooth filled.  So, stupid me, when I went the next time, I declined the novocaine, just call me stupid.  Now remember this was back in the day when the dental drills were run on old slow motors connected to the drill head by pully cords.  those of you in my age range or those of you with a morbid imagination will know what  am talking about.  You cannot imagine how that hurt.  It reminds me of the torture scene in the movie "Marathon Man" where  the Nazi played by Sir Laurence Olivia was drilling out a hole in Dustin Hoffmans front tooth asking him "Is it safe"?  Shudder if you will I certainly did.  Never again did I let that happen.  I wonder if old Jerry went without Novacaine???  I doubt it.

Anyway, that was the week that was, and remember, "Today was a day like any other day, only you were there".                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

I don’t never Get Nuttin all year

I was inspired to write today by my friend Eric.  Here is the sum total of what I get from my wife during he year. 

• Anniversary…nuttin
• Valentines Day…Nadda
• Birthday…zero
• Christmas…zip (X-cept last year (09)

Now to be fair, I do get cards, and again to be fair, I usually give her the same.  so before you feel sorry for us, this is why.  Usually we just buy what we want, when we want (within reason of course) so there are usually never any wants for those afore mentioned occasions.

there are many things I would like, like a Palm Pre, a new Laptop, a 26” monitor instead of the 19” one I am squinting into now, a 36” flat screen LED TV for the Boudoir, a 60” flat screen for my Man Cave, a new Honda Accord, the list goes on, and on.  Obviously my wish list is above the $37.65 I currently have in my slush fund, soooooooooo.

Well, today is Tax Filing day for me.  I have been putting this off because I usually owe the government my first born, sometimes I wish I had given her instead of hard earned cash. it would have been cheaper.   I’m only kidding, I love both my daughters to death and wouldn't trade them for anything, well, maybe for the 60” flat screen or the Honda, but that that’s it.

I keep getting distracted by my thoughts.  This year Uncle Sam ( or should I say The Lord High Savior and Messiah Obama has been very good to me.  I got money back, but guess who's pocket it’s coming out of {insert huge roar of laughter here}???  Yours! ROTFLMFAO!!!  The down side is though what I got back is in four figures (to the left of the decimal for those of you in Rio Lindo) is only good for a couple of loaves of Wonder Bread  (Weazunder, Breazed) (can’t memember who said that)…sigh…

oh well, it’s probably all George Bush’s fault anyway, and always remember, today was a day like any other day, except you were there.

P.S. Oh hell can’t find a post-it note..the nice thing about spell checkers is, you can add any words you want and they’ll always be spelled right.  Oops, got to go, low blood sugar.

I can never think of a title, i also cant type worth a darn

Well, here it is Thursday and the best thing that will happen is Survivor starts again with ALL THE VILLIANS (geez, I hate the caps lock key).  I woke up this morning with this critter in my lungs

spreading little critter paste all over so I can't breath, then his twin brother invaded my sinuses and filled them with more of the same.

This is how my eyes looked from the outside, you should have seen them from the inside.

Well, you get the picture (pun intended).  My Sweetie wanted me to stay home today, but noooooooooo, I had to be the Macho Dude.  Well, here I sit at home now filled with more drugs (guess you can take that whichever way you want to) than Walgreens.  As soon as I get done with this rant, I'm gonna kick back on the couch, cover myself up with an afghan (not a dog) that my Aunt Jan made for me.  Don't think I'll be going in tomorrow either.  Well, enough of my incesescent whining (cant spell either)

As you can see from my weather gadget above, the weather here is fairly nice, but Monday thru Wednesday was a horse of a different color.  By Wednesday morning we had 16" in the driveway, not 3/32" like my sister Kim had in Tennessee.  Who the hell can measure that anyway, I couldn't bend down to measure that if my life depended on it.  Thank God this winter is on the down-low (Kim, you have God's ear, ask him to hurry it up).

This morning see's yet another nuclear state, Iran.  Thank God that's all they did was announce that they were.  I was fully expecting to wake up this morning and find a mushroom cloud where Israel used to be.  Our government, both this administration and the last, has been sitting around playing Tidily Winks with Man Hole Covers while Iran hemmed and hawed and stalled and all we did was spout rhetoric, well, guess what?  It happened.  This has tremendous implications.  WWIII is right around the corner and we cant do a damn thing about it.

Our government has been paralyzed by itself, has spent itself into debtors prison and China (doesn't matter  which China) holds the key.  Maybe I am naive, but I was brought up with the concept that this country was a reprehensive form of government and that the people we elect to represent us will vote on issues based on the opinions of the majority of their constituents.  well, we got what we asked for, we elected the crooks that have sold this country down the river, all the politicians want to do is line their pockets, they don't care what we think.  sure, there are a few (rookies), but they will succumb to the inevitable.

I read a Tom Clancy book a few years ago where a Japanese industrial magnet took a 747 loaded with fuel, and explosives and flew it to The Capital Building during a full session of Congress killing everyone.  Sometimes I wonder if that wasn't such a bad idea (only me and my invisible friend know if I am serious).  We had to start over the way it was suppose to be in the first place  Every day people were elected to serve for a term or two then go back home and let someone else in.  What do we have now?  We have professional politicians, where else in America can you have a man grow rich during Prohibition, produce 3 sons (2 assassinated).  There are 3 you say?  well here is what the great state of Mass. has done, they elected a drunk, then that Drunk went and murdered his girlfriend and he still gets reelected time, after time, after time.

So, you ask yourself, "Self"?  where the heck is he going with this?  It beats the bejesus out of me, I'm just typing this thing.  I haven't the faintest clue as to where a paragraph begins and ends, when I feel like it is time for a new one, I just hit enter and Viola, a new paragraph.

Anyway, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it and always remember, "Today was a day like another day... only you were there".

must be the NyQuil

Snowy days and Mondays really get me down

Well here it is Monday and the football season sadly is over. No more excuses that you don’t have time to clean out the gutters, or straighten out your workshop or laundry room, or any of a myriad of household chores….at least until next August. My team FINALLY won, but only because Manning pulled a Fav-ray and choked. It was kismet that gave the Saints a win, after all, the Saints and the Manning’s are synonymous. The Super Bowl lived up to its hype this year and as usual the commercials were great! My personal fav was the dog and the shock collar for Doritos.

Today marks a mile stone in the career of yours truly (fingers pointing at me). Today I live on

 (Happy Rd.). This morning I advised my boss that as of 3/29/10 I was going into semi-retirement and was reducing my hours from 40 to 20 per week. After toiling since I was 12, I can finally relax a little. No more bosses, no more schnooks, no more brown-nosers dirty looks. Secretly I was hoping they would fire me so I could collect Unemployment for 99 weeks, how sweet that would be. Anyway now I’m happy as a clam.

So I wake up yesterday morning and who should be on with the Sunday Talking Heads (Chris Wallace) none other than Sara Palin. She is my favorite woman in the whole world next to my late sainted mother and my wife Kimmycakes, and oh yeah my sister Kimmer. Finally someone I can listen too that will be honest. How refreshing. Ok, that’s not altogether true, Kimmy and Kimmer (not to be confused with each other) (then again, Kimmer lives in Tennessee and you know what that means, 4 million people in the state and they’re all related) also tell the truth, and my Mom who is taking a dirt nap by definition doesn’t lie (at least that’s not what she always told me). The midterm erections are looming right around the corner. Democrats in Congress beware, we know who you are and we know where you live. You’re going down. After we’re done with you, your fearless leader and self proclaimed Messiah is next.

I guess this is it for today, I know it’s not my usual biting, sarcastic satire, but get over it, I can’t be brilliant all the time, and remember

“Today was a day like any other day, but YOU were there”

Chains

ok, I was just informed by my sister that she has 3 dogs, here is the third. Scrappy looking thing don’t you think?

Yeah, I thought so too.



Anyway on to chains. I’m prompted to this posting y a friend of mine in Virginia who just posted on his blog this morning about eating at Ruby Tuesdays. Now I have eaten at one of those in Gettysburg, and while found the food to be acceptable, I positively, absolutely HATE eating at chains. the food is always the same, the decor is always the same, it has no character, yet we let them take over our landscape. Kim and I went out the other night to a place called The Red Mill Inn. It had Pot Roast on the menu for god sakes and it was darn good. give me a eatery that there’s only one of any day. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not criticizing anyone here, I am just offering my own personal taste. all chain restaurants should be outlawed and burned down (except Popeye’s Chicken). Brookfield has now been inundated with the worst possible chain on the planet, Hooters, oh the shame…

Today is Friday, you know what that means?

Well today is Friday, and I awoke bright eyed and bushy tailed.  Well ok, this is not entirely true.  My eyes look like raisins because the bags under them have sucked all the fluid out of my eyeballs.  No kidding. If you put air into the bags under my eyes, they would be like water wings.  The only thing bushy about my tail was…well, that’s not a picture you want to have in your mind…TMI

Anyway, lots of news this morning.  One of my ardent followers is due to get his ass kicked by Mr. Weather.  You know who you are.  Stay home from work, convince your snazzy wife to do the same, lock the young lad in the closet for awhile with food and water, and then have monkey spankin sex.  That will surely put every little thing in perspective.

Moving right along…

I got a disturbing email from my wife this morning.  We have friends (I know it’s hard to comprehend that I have friends, but it’s true) that live “Up Nort” and are lovingly referred as U-pers.  We received the sad news that their Dog Eddie passed away from Cancer.  Those of you that don’t have pets won’t understand the loss, but those that do will know the profound sorrow felt at the loss of a pet.  I’m not talking about pet turtles (although they are quite affectionate), lizards, hamsters (who turn on frequently), and the like, I am talking about puppies and Kitties.  We have lost 3 dogs who now sit on a shelf in Urns in the computer room next to my brother-in-law who is also Urn-dized (long story for another time).  We also have 3 kitties buried in our Pet Semetry.  When one of them leaves us, they leave a hole in our lives. 

When we lost our Dylan (10 year old Airedale), my wife (Kim) said no dogs for awhile.  I wanted on right away, we’ve had dogs for 27 years..  Well, one Friday night about a week after Dylan’s passing, we were sitting on the couch watching TV and eating Pizza, and Kim remarked “I have no one to throw my pizza crusts to”.  The next day I spent all day scouring the internet for another dog that we could rescue.  We found our Wylie in Minnesota just west of Minneapolis.  He was 2 years old, and when we saw him I told Kim, “Geez, he looks like a Coyote, so he was aptly named Wylie Coyote.  We also have two kitties Fargus and Cheeto.

Anyway it seems like I have yet again digressed, the point I was trying to make was our friends who we will call Jerry and Gloria (not their real names of course) spent what some would think is an insane amount money when Eddie got sick to see what was wrong with him, and then had to have him put down in the end.  We have done the same, spent enormous amount of money on our dog’s health, after all to us “empty-nesters” they are like our children (sometimes lots better) and we love them to death (no pun intended) and will do anything for them.

Oh yeah, I forgot my sister (Kimbowid.blogspot.com) also has two puppies..

 ROTFLMFAO!!!

Well, I guess that’s all for today.  “Today was a day like any other day, but YOU were there”

Rage (or the lack thereof)

My mind seems to be racing this morning.  I have no clue as to where it’s racing to, but it’s racin’.

I spent the better part of yesterday morning trying to figure out how to put sticky notes on my blogs and how to link to the Supa-mommy blog. 

Look, see a sticky note.  (Fingers pointing down).

Oh, crap, forgot to write a message on it.

I don’t know why, but it seems to be impotent, and as someone I once knew said “If you going to be impotent, you has to dress impotent” (my sister knows the author of that comment).  Speaking of my sister…

My Twisted Sister in Tennessee (she’s the only one that has enough sense to be twisted) (I don’t want to publically mention her name, but her Blog is “kimbowid.blogspot.com” (no quotes)) is going to help me fix up my tragically boring blog layout.  She is the best, having spent the better part of her teen years in a body cast, nursed her son through more dental problems (not his fault) than Carters has Little Liver Pills (HA! Bet half of you all have no idea what those are), and helped her daughter through the trauma of changing her name from Megan to McLean.  Here to fore and after she shall be referred to MCMegan.  She has a loving husband whose name I can’t recall, I think its Darwin, Darren, Derwood, or some such name.  Actually, I don’t think he knows what his real name is.  I am sure Kim-Ann has a few names for him too. J

Sooooooooo, as I am sitting here wondering what the hell I was writing about it suddenly came to me that I could solve two of this country’s  most pressing problems, the  near nuclear Iran, and the clogging of our southern border with illegal immigrants.(see below)

Ok, those of you that can’t deal with a cloud of fallout.  I have another idea.  Let’s pull all our troops out of Iraq, and Afghanistan (nobody has cared for the last 2000 years that they have been killing each other at the drop of a hat) and invade Mexico.  Think about it, with Mexico annexed to the United States, we could almost achieve the Monroe Doctrine of Manifest Destiny.  We keep all our dollars from flowing south and we have no more illegal immigrant problem from the south.  Since the Middle East will turn into a pane of glass at some point in time we have no more problems there.

Stay tuned for more of my solutions for world hunger, genocide, floods, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

all in a day's post

okay, in an effort to help out my newly blogging brother, i have been invited to help him post his post its, which only amounts to one, and it's not really that funny (sorry, i'm just sayin…). but if you want to read some good ones, hit that little supahmommy button below and check out what some others are up to. or you can just click here, and be done with the button thingy. or go to my blog, and read the only ones that really matter (just kiddin, but i'll do anything to drive traffic to my blog. ummm that came out wrong. uhhh, you get the point).

so maybe you're all like: i have no idea how to make my own post it! simple: go here and make your own sticky notes. save them to your computer, then import them as pictures using the little photo tag on the menu bar as you create your post. 

so what's with the whole supahmommy thing? well, she hosts this little post it party, so it's nice to drop by and see what's on her mind. don't be worried about the "mommy" thing. alot of mommybloggers out there are pretty flippin hilarious and have some pretty snarky things to say. 

well, i hope you enjoyed this installment of hijack your brother's blog. this is lil southern sister, signing out.

Today was a day like any other, but you were there

Yesterday and Saturday on the other hand was quite a different story.

I purely love to sleep in on the weekends, but Saturday was not to be. I was rudely awakened at 8:00AM by an 80 pound dog standing over me, and licking my face to wake me up. It seems my loving wife had sent one of her evil minions up to get me out of bed and even though I was wearing my Darth Vader CPAP mask he still recognized me, must have smelled my butt (poor guy). I tried to shoe the boy off because his “stuff” was getting uncomfortably close to my face. So was forced up out of a great dream to the reality of having to sit through a CUTCO (knives and things) Demonstration to be given at 10:00 by my cousin Lisa. It seems whenever one gets a job of this type, one attacks his/her relatives first. I tried to get out of doing this, one because we already have a full set of CUTCO cutlery, and two because I just don’t like doing those things. I told Lisa we were not going to buy anything and to leave her order pad at home. Undaunted she brought it anyway and managed to get Kim and I to spend $150.00 on stuff we really didn’t need. So much for swearing not to buy anything… I then found out that my sister (who shall remain unnamed) (but lives in Muskego) got the same demo we did and bought nothing. Hello…Lisa is family and we always help family.

We had rented some movies during the week, which included Inglorious Bastards (Blu ray), but to my dismay it wouldn’t play on my player. I took it back to Blockbuster and swapped it for another one. That didn’t play either, don’t know why, life is just stranger **** (you fill in the expletive). We went to see the new Mel Gibson movie “Edge of Darkness”, it was great. We went out for dinner (won't bother you with the details) (well, ok, since you asked). We went to a place that actually had Pot Roast on the menu. Very strange menu. After a little too much of Grey Goose, I was very rude to my loving wife to which I am heartily sorry.

Sunday was going to be a day of rest and cooking. We awoke to find Kim's car had a low tire and mine was almost flat. We called AAA but the guy couldn’t even get my tire off, so they just towed it. While Kim made this delicious Mexican dish, I par baked baby back ribs and made a killer Pot-o-Chili. We ended up watching Inglorious Bastards on PPV and the Pro Bowl. Geeze was a boring insignificant game.

Today I find out that I need a new rim because the “bead” was corroded. This to the tune of $340, used rim mind you. New would have been $500. It never quits….

Well, that was my weekend, how was yours?