What will he say next?

What a wonderful spring, I awoke this morning to 6 inches of snow on the ground. Well, ok, I might be exaggerating, but it was snowing this morning, and it WAS coming down horizontal… I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised, I DO live in Wisconsin and you know what they say, Behold, a pale horse… oops wrong quote, mad cow you know, of well what the ache e double toothpick…get it? Unlike my Brother-in-law, I am prone to the using of “colorful” language, but I will try to tone it down for those of you with tender eyes. Anyway, I digress.


Have you ever shopped for a toilet? Crappy job to say the least (pun intended). One would think this was an easy task. WRONG!!! There are a gazillion brands and types to choose from. I narrowed down my search to either (pronounced eye-ther) Kohler, American Standard, or (pronounced “or”)Toto (not the dog…duh). I was amazed at the choices I had, and the prices I had to choose from. All I was looking for was something that wouldn’t clog. I didn’t need one that would flush down a bowling ball without having to use a plunger, but the thought of flushing 16 golf balls was intriguing.

There are low toilets, there are chair height (my personal fav) toilets, there are round bowls, elongated bowls, modified elongated bowls (I was afraid to ask what that was). There are one piece toilets, toilets with no tanks, toilets with power assisted flushers that are so loud everyone down the block knows when you are in the bath room sitting on the throne.

There are thick seats, thin seats, seats that have something in them to make them close slowly instead of slamming shut. There’s even one that plugs into the wall outlet to heat up your butt while you are looking through National Geographic.

I was amazed at the prices. They run from around $100 to in Thousands of dollars. I’m not kidding I saw one for $5,000 and change. This would astound Sir Thomas Crapper and Sir John Harrington.

      $100 toilet, note the                 $5,000 toilet, note the

         absence of T.P.                           absence of T.P.

Since you all know that I chair the Midwest chapter of BLA (Butt Lookers Anonymous for those of you in Rio Lindo) and am a connoisseur of  women’s butts, I have yet to see one fine enough to sit on a $5,000 toilet, but I do have high hopes of finding one or more.

…anyway, that’s my story and I’m stickin to it.